I was the single guardian of a person/my brother with a profound mental handicap. I said to myself: my life couldn't get much worse. I had nothing to lose.
And when my Gang Stalking began I was working on my self-published book, The Search For Being, which became my philosophy of life. Later I would remember the words of Martin Buber: "the events of your life is God's address to you."
And I would remember how the Jungians would talk about "destiny" which I could never understand. My understanding of systems thinking helped me to understand, we are not free to do anything we want. We are part of a system and have a role to play in it. In that lies our tiny bit of freedom, our ability to choose.
Other Reasons:
My personality type: introverted intuitive feeling judging type. My type are idealists. Personality someone said is destiny.
Probably the Most Deep Seated Reason: I always saw my father as a bully who mistreated my mother. I spent most of my life when he was alive not talking to him. I always wanted to see my mother stand up to him/leave him. She never did. I think I tried hard not to identify with her and spent a long time carving out a separate identity.
I remember having two pictures I would use to inspire what I wanted to be in life. One was a picture of Martin Buber, the author of I-Thou. I wanted I-Thou, not superficial relationships. The other picture I had was a picture of "Rocky". I didn't want to be like my mother - I wanted to be a fighter. Be careful what you wish for.